Dismayed

In a moment of weakness, I let myself be talked into knitting socks. It started at Christmas, when She Who Must Be Obeyed bought me a couple of hanks of dark-coloured superfine wool. This not so subtle hint, was informing me that I should knit her a few pairs of socks. Fine wool and small needles. Just what a verging on blindness myopic like myself needs. As a newbie knitter, I should have heeded the alarm bells telling me to walk away from this project. But OOOOh no. Instead, I ran out and purchased Cat Bordhi's book "Personal Footprints for Insouciant Sock Knitters". For those of you who don't know, insouciant means carefree. Now this proves that Cat has a sense of humour. Ha Ha. Her book is anything but carefree. You have to create custom foot templates for the intended recipient of the socks. Oh, and if you change the gauge of the socks you need to design a new template. Really handy. Plan on having the sock recipient around when you tackle this sock as it requires multiple fittings. Really handy. Her supposedly carefree technique takes up half of her book.

Cat also takes it upon herself to introduce the readers to a few techniques required to knit her socks. First Judy Becker's Magic cast on. I would have used an adjective other than magic for this cast on. The drawings for this technique weren't very clear in Cat's book, so I looked it up on Youtube. Big mistake. The video portion was clear enough, but listening to Cat's instructions is like listening to a four year old describe their trip to the zoo. Cat spends far too much time talking to the animals on her island in the Pacific Northwest. Watching the video with the sound off is highly recommended. Then you have Jeny's Surprisingly Stretchy bind-off. This time the Youtube video was reasonable. For a newbie like myself it took awhile to get this technique down pat, but after I ignored Cat's suggested shortcut it went much better. My only complaint is that the technique is misnamed. It should be Jeny's Surprisingly Unstretchy bind-off. It doesn't live up to its original billing. Then the piece-de-resistance: the three-needle bind-off. Now I know that many of you tackle this all the time, and have no problems. SENSEI EVEN GAVE ME A QUICK DEMO. but did I mention myopia. Did I also not mention super fine wool and small needles. You get the drift.

Earlier today, I finished off my first sock using Cat Bordhi's technique. Wove in all the loose ends and sat back to admire my work. What elation. All that hard work paying off. What short-lived elation. I suddenly noticed a number of dropped stitches where I had obviously screwed up the three-needle bind-off. There was this cute little hole opening up at the heel. And then, to dab a little salt into the fresh wound, I noticed the other dropped stitch up from the heel in a line of decreases.

I thought knitting was a relaxing pastime for insouciant types. How can the word relaxing be ascribed to an endeavour that would have me fill a swear jar in one sitting.

I will be taking offers on my needles and yarn. Maybe not the bamboo ones, as I might need to snap a few in half to relieve the tension. Also, if anyone has Cat, Jeny or Judy's address I might like to drop them a line. Tell them about the life altering experience that knitting a Cat Bordhi sock can be.

Reading just became my favourite pastime again. Murder mysteries.

Master Kan

Public Service Announcement

My first blog. I'm so nervous. Will I enjoy it? More importantly, will it be good for you too? Maybe I'm getting ahead of myself.

As a new knitter, I am somewhat dismayed by the cavalier attitude of many knitters, including Grasshopper and Sensei, towards an insidious and dangerous practice. While seeking advice regarding my first attempt to knit socks, I have been appalled to hear many knitters tell me that sock knitting is great during car rides. Maybe in my youth, I might have steered the vehicle with my knees while balancing a burger and beer. But I have matured. No more burgers while driving. Governments around the world are banning the use of handheld electronic devices when operating a motor vehicle. This was done because of the danger to public safety. They should also consider banning low tech distractions such as needles, crochet hooks and yarn. Unfortunately, for many, knitting is a serious addiction. They can be seen during the morning commute, steering, knitting and applying mascara. They are just one dropped stitch from catastrophe. We must take action. We need to keep our roads safe. Plus the multitasking makes for sloppy knitwear that some poor devil will have to wear. Talk to your MP today.

This message was sponsored by MAKD (Mothers Against Knitting Drivers)